


kisses are a better fate than wisdom

by jillyfae



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Explicit Sexual Content, Ficlet Collection, Fluff, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-05-17 07:27:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14828000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jillyfae/pseuds/jillyfae
Summary: A series of firsts: kisses, conversations, days together, nights apart.





	1. kisses

**Author's Note:**

> title from e. e. cummings' [since feeling is first](https://genius.com/E-e-cummings-since-feeling-is-first-annotated)

The first time Magnus gets to kiss Alec properly is a revelation. The whole world slips away in favor of the heat of his mouth and the grip of his hands and that intense focus of his, all of it just for Magnus.

Magnus is delighted to return the favor, all his attention just for Alec. He can't remember the last time he enjoyed himself so much just _kissing_ someone, and he starts to smile. He's smiling enough Alec's mouth slips off his, and Alec smiles back, warm against Magnus' lips, and when Magnus leans in they settle deeper into the couch.

They've almost gotten this far before, but when they're still kissing a few minutes later something lurches up through Magnus' chest, a tangled combination of impatience and hope and desire. No witnesses, no interruptions, and Alec's mouth is definitely worth lingering on.

But so is the rest of Alec. Magnus reaches for the bottom of Alec's shirt, and pauses. He lifts his eyebrow in question when Alec blinks at him, and his breath catches as Alec smiles and lifts his arms over his head to help out. 

It's not the first time Magnus has seen Alec without his shirt. But it's different this time, different because he's the one who took it off, different because after he tosses the shirt aside he gets to _touch,_ gets to feel the heat of his skin, hair against his palms, the hard planes of his muscles, the thin pale lines of old faded magic, not quite scars, not quite anything else. He can't feel the faded rune lines under his fingers or lips or tongue, though Alec makes some wonderful shuddery noises as he makes the attempt. 

When his mouth finds the dark line of a regular rune it feels slick, the dormant magic tingling against his tongue like static only a bit softer, and it lingers longer. As Magnus drags his tongue across a thick black line on his skin, Alec makes a brand new sound, lower and rougher with an intriguing little break in the middle.

"What does it feel like, Alexander?" Magnus trails a finger down Alec's breastbone, listening to the soft pleased hum he makes, watching as the muscles in his stomach jump when Magnus swerves sideways and cuts across the round ornate rune beneath Alec's ribs. "Tell me."

Alec's jaw moves, and there's a jump in his throat accompanied by a soft lift of his voice, as if he can't quite get words to work.

It's unbearably gratifying, and there's an extra curl of heat in Magnus' throat he isn't quite sure what to do with, short of kissing Alec again. So he does, his weight settling on Alec's chest, Alec's hands lifting to hold him, fingers curling around the back of Magnus' neck, rubbing along his hairline. 

When he thinks he can breathe again, Magnus shifts enough to rub his thumb across the rune on Alec's neck, and grins when Alec's body stutters again. "You never answered my question."

The noise in Alec's throat sounds like he's rolling his eyes, which is _delightful,_ Magnus hadn't realized there was a sound equivalent. Magnus slants a sideways grin up into Alec's face, and Alec's smile is so soft and warm Magnus has to swallow.

"The runes sort of... muffle touch?" Alec's arms fall down as he shrugs, which is a fascinating sensation when sprawled across his chest, the shift of muscles kind of everywhere all at once. "It's not quite numb, but it's a little duller."

Magnus sighs. That's disappointing. It's a shame he's the only one who gets a little something extra out of all that potential magic under Alec's skin.

"But the _edges._ " There's a hitch in Alec's voice that Magnus can feel in his chest as much as he can hear it, and he looks back up into Alec's eyes, licking his lips when he sees how wide and dark they are. "That edge between skin and magic, when you touch there it's..." 

Alec's voice trails off into something that's almost a groan, and his fingers flex, pressing hard enough against the couch that Magnus can hear them move. "It sparks."

"Oh." Not the only one. _Excellent._

Alec snorts, and Magnus realizes he said that out loud. Well. Alec seems to make his brain disconnect from the rest of him pretty regularly, he should probably get used to that happening. 

Magnus runs his thumb down the long edge of Alec's rune this time, and Alec's eyes roll back, and judging from the sound he makes the the short-circuiting brain is probably mutual. 

Magnus leans up and does it again with his tongue, the static warming his mouth, flickering down his throat until he can feel it spark beneath his stomach. Alec's hands clench, and his spine curves up, and the ragged groan that escapes from his mouth is _sublime._

It's almost too much, and Magnus lifts his head, makes himself breathe. He exhales across Alec's now damp skin, and that makes Alec twitch, small, sharp shifts beneath Magnus. Magnus inhales, presses his forehead to Alec's shoulder, curls his fingers around Alec's biceps, and tries counting to ten in his head. He has to do it again before Alec stops moving, before he can sort of trust himself not to do... _something?_

Magnus lifts his head at last, and Alec's staring down at him, his lips just barely parted. Magnus sighs, a tremble caught somewhere between his fingers and Alec's skin. "You're devastating, did you know that?"

Alec almost frowns, and does shake his head, and then his hands are on Magnus' jaw again, pulling Magnus up to his face. "You changed my whole world, Magnus."

Alec presses his lips gently to Magnus' mouth. Magnus sighs again, feels his breath catch inside Alec's mouth, follows it with his tongue. Alec's thumbs stroke against Magnus' cheeks, and still they kiss, soft and slow.

They have time. 

It's the best night in that Magnus has had in years.


	2. couches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kissing in joy

The first time Alec wakes up on Magnus’ couch is an accident. **  
**

The second time is too, sort of. He isn’t planning to spend the night; there’s very little of planning in regards Magnus at this point, both of them just reaching towards each other and seeing what happens. They watch a movie, and then another. They drink some wine and there’s honey cinnamon or something in the popcorn Magnus made and everything is delicious.

Including Magnus. 

Magnus laughs when Alec kisses his neck, light and quick, so Alec does it again and again until they’re both giggling. The whole evening is  _nice,_  warm and comfortable despite the still lingering twitches of nerves and anticipation he feels anytime he and Magnus are in the same room. 

Same building, honestly. 

Alec’s next kiss is slower, and instead of laughing Magnus sighs. He sounds pleased, and relaxed, and Alec’s chest aches. He never thought he’d be this content. Never thought he could stop flinching between what he had and what he wanted and what it was safe to think about. Only now they’re all the same thing, the same person. 

The same miracle. 

Magnus turns his head, and Alec lets himself be caught by the warmth in his eyes, lets himself be kissed, slow and soft. He sighs against Magnus’ mouth as their lips part, a lift of something brighter than simple happiness burning behind his eyes. “I don’t want to leave.”

“So don’t.” Magnus reaches up a hand, fingers brushing against Alec’s jaw. “I like it when you’re here.”

There’s a shiver of something down Alec’s spine, sharp and hot, and he swallows. Staying doesn’t mean sex. They aren’t _there_  yet, not quite, but he thinks they may be close. Until then, though. Alec ducks his head and kisses the tips of Magnus’ fingers, smiling at the small pleased noise in Magnus’ throat. “I like being here.”

‘Perfect.” Magnus shifts and puts his feet up on his fancy ottoman, reclines into the couch, and Alec slides down until his head is in Magnus’ lap. “What should we watch next?”

Alec hums and shrugs, lets his weight settle a little more against Magnus, into the couch. “Surprise me.”

Magnus laughs, breathy and quiet. His fingers stroke through Alec’s hair, and Alec feels like purring. “I never would have thought you’d like surprises.”

“I may have changed my mind on the subject.” Alec breathes in, leather from the couch and the lingering hints of Magnus’ cologne, rich and spicy. He breathes out, his body light and comfortable. “But only when they’re from you.” 

Magnus’ fingers still, and he curves down to brush a soft kiss against Alec’s temple before sitting up again. “You’re going to spoil me terribly.”

“I hope so.”

Alec dozes off part way through something with fancy clothes and a very handsome piano player, wakes with an ache between his shoulders, the light around him pale and grey in anticipation of dawn, Magnus’ hand warm and heavy against his neck. 

He rolls carefully onto his back, holds in a wince as his shoulder-blades pinch, blinks as Magnus’ fingers trail against his shoulder. He looks up, and there Magnus is, quiet and still and sleeping, more beautiful than anything Alec has ever imagined.

Not that that means much; he mostly didn’t allow himself to imagine. Even if he had, he’s pretty sure nothing he could have come up with would have prepared him for Magnus. 

Alec sits up, swallows a groan because _yep,_  his back’s going to hate him for the next little while. He turns, and looks at Magnus, and can feel the width of the smile spreading across his face. _Worth it._ He reaches out a hand, feels the warmth of Magnus’ cheek beneath his fingers, and waits. He feels oddly breathless as Magnus blinks. When Magnus focuses on him and starts to smile, Alec feels the warmth of it flushing across his skin, and wonders when he learned to feel each and every heartbeat in his chest.

“Good morning,” Alec whispers.

Magnus turns his head and kisses Alec’s fingers. Alec feels that shiver again, and leans forward so Magnus will kiss him on the lips next time, rather than his hand.

Magnus obliges. 

“I have to go, but I didn’t want to leave without saying good bye.”

Magnus’ eyes are impossibly soft, and Alec cannot imagine a better way to start his morning. “Until later, Alexander.” 

Alec grins, and kisses the tip of Magnus’ nose. He almost laughs at the look on Magnus’ face, cross-eyed for half a second. Then he slithers his way back and off the couch, gathers his stuff and heads for the door, one last look at Magnus before he leaves. 

Magnus watches him the entire time, and his smile never wavers. 

Alec’s almost tempted to whistle on his way back to the Institute, and he holds the memory of Magnus’ eyes, of Magnus’ smile, close in his thoughts for the rest of the day. 


	3. morning after

The first time Magnus decides to make breakfast for Alec, he doesn’t conjure Belgian waffles. 

He considers it. He knows they’re both thinking of the first morning Alec woke up in the loft, brusque and short and somehow still almost hopeful. 

Trust is not something Magnus has ever felt so quickly before, so blindly, so recklessly. He’s been reckless with his  _heart_ more times than he’d care to admit _,_  but that’s not quite the same thing. 

But it doesn’t  _feel_  reckless. Didn’t even then, that first sight, first call, first drink, first morning.

This first morning after.

Nothing about Alec feels reckless. Impulsive, yes, but safe and steady as well. 

It’s an entirely improbable combination. 

It’s wonderful.

Almost as wonderful as Alec finding him in the kitchen, still pulling his t-shirt down over his hips, hair mussed and eyes warm. 

Even more wonderful is the way Alec smiles when he sees Magnus, the way Alec walks towards him as if there was never anywhere else he could go, never anyone else he’d want to find. Alec kisses like that too, as if there’s nothing else he could ever think about, no one else he could ever want, and it’s impossible not to kiss him back the same way.

Kissing Alexander is something Magnus doesn’t think will ever stop being miraculous.

It’s not until he smells the bacon smoking that Magnus remembers he’d been cooking something. Alec starts to pull back, eyes wide and a laugh curving his lips, but Magnus waves his hands and sends everything to the trash and pulls Alec back to the kiss.

Or he  _tries,_  but Alec is laughing properly now, and it’s difficult to catch his mouth. “Did you just throw burned bacon and eggs into a cabinet or something, or are your frying pans in the garbage with the food?”

Magnus pouts. “That’s the part of this morning you’re curious about?”

“I like figuring out your magic.” Alec shrugs, still smiling. “It looked like one spell, so one destination?”

“I could have focused on multiple locations in one spell.” Magnus can’t quite stop himself from smiling back. Alec has such a  _nice_  smile, such a nice laugh, warm and contagious. “But I didn’t.”

“No?” Alec’s fingers curl around Magnus’ hips, which is wonderfully promising. “Why not?”

“Why do you think?” Magnus leans closer, stops with his mouth only a breath away from Alec’s lips. “You’re very distracting, in case you didn’t know.”

“Am I?” Alec sounds quite honestly delighted, not a hint of flirtatious teasing. It’s beautiful, and almost sad, but mostly Magnus just wants to figure out how to make Alec sound that happy every morning. “Something we have in common then, because you are constantly distracting me.”

“Glad to hear it,” Magnus whispers, and then Alec is kissing him again, and by the time either of them remembers to think about food again, it’s late enough they decide to go out for lunch instead. 


	4. phone sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [[tumblr](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/175018420983)]

The first time Alec has to stay at the Institute after sleeping with Magnus, he can't relax, and he quickly tires of staring at the Institute ceiling and thinking how his bed is too narrow and hard and cold.

He's been trained to sleep _anywhere,_ he should be able to sleep in his own damn bed.

But he can't.

He gets dressed again. Wanders to the mess and spends almost fifteen minutes looking in cupboards for a snack before he realizes that nothing looks as good as the stash of weird international chocolates Magnus has next to the jar of moon salt. (Magnus' version of organization is  _weird_ sometimes; Alec found the jam next to werewolf fangs and opted for just butter on his toast a few days ago.) Alec gives up on the Institute's kitchen, stalks back to his room, and scowls at his bed for awhile. He still doesn't feel like sleeping. 

So he calls Magnus to say good-night.

"I miss you."

"You saw me this morning, and you'll see me tomorrow." Magnus' smile is clear in his voice, and Alec can tell exactly what sort it is; it's the gentle one, almost teasing, almost agreeing. It's a good smile. Alec wishes he could see it.

"I always miss you as soon as I'm not with you." Magnus makes a different sort of noise, soft and warm and surprised, and Alec _hates_ how surprised he always seems when Alec tells him things like this, tells him things that he thinks are obvious and easy but apparently _aren't._ "I wish I could kiss you."

"So do I." Magnus' voice is slow and steady, and Alec lets out a shuddering sort of sigh when he hears it. Magnus hums softly, and when he speaks again his voice is different, teasing. "Is that all you wish you could do?"

"Of course not," Alec manages, even past the surprise caught in his throat and the sudden heat in his face, beneath his skin, curling low beneath his stomach and heading further down. He is quite proud of himself that he has the sense to get up and make sure his door is locked. "Is that the only thing you wish I was there to do with you?"

Magnus inhales, a sharp bright sound that is clearly delighted. The surprise is fun this time, the surprise is mutual, the surprise is for something new, twisting between them through the phone. "Definitely not."

"I'd start with kissing, though." Alec settles back on his bed, switches his phone to speaker and sets it down next to him.

"We are very good at kissing," Magnus agrees. "You make such a nice noise when my tongue is in your mouth, it's so sweet I feel like I can taste it."

Alec's breath catches with a tight lift in his throat, and he hears Magnus _purr_.

"Yes, that's the one."

"I like the sound you make, when I kiss all the way down your neck and flick my tongue in the hollow of your throat." Magnus half-laughs, half-groans. "There it is."

"You've made it down to my collar, but I'm still at your lips." Alec rests the tip of his finger on his bottom lip. He imagines it's Magnus' touch, to go along with Magnus' voice. "Do you feel neglected?"

"Never." Alec breathes out.

"Are you still wearing your shirt?"

Alec blinks, and looks down at himself. "Would you be disappointed if I said yes?"

"Not if you take it off now."

"I can do that." He does, slowly, letting the fabric trail up against his stomach and chest, down his arms, imagining Magnus' hands pulling it off, imagining Magnus' eyes watching. He drops his shirt to the floor, and realizes he can hear Magnus breathing through the phone, the sound heavier than it was a moment ago. "Are you still wearing your shirt?"

"I am. Should I take mine off too?"

"Not quite." Alec swallows, wonders a bit at what he thinks he's about to say. "Is it the same one you were wearing this morning? The blue one, with the pearl snaps?"

Magnus makes a slightly different sound this time, and Alec is not entirely sure what smile goes along with it, but it's clearly still pleased, so that's good. "I am indeed. Why, do you like that one?"

"I like everything you wear. Or don't wear." Alec shrugs, and feels an extra curl of pleasure when Magnus laughs, soft and breathy. "You should undo the snaps before you take your shirt off."

"Are we taking our time tonight?" Magnus' voice is a little lower, a little thicker.

Alec has to swallow before he can talk again. "The snaps on that shirt are tighter than usual. They need the time. You start to pull, and the fabric pulls taut but nothing happens. You have to grip a little harder, give an extra... tug before it gives, before you hear it pop."

"Oh," Magnus' voice catches. "What a delightful surprise you are."

"Magnus." Alec thinks he might be blushing, and is entirely sure that its Magnus' praise that does it, rather than trying to talk him into getting naked. "Have you undone the first snap?"

"Mm-hmm."

Alec's fingers curl, gripping his sheet and pulling, imagining the way Magnus' chest is being slowly revealed. "The second one?"

"Right—" There's a pause, just long enough for Alec to feel the burn of his held breath in his throat. "—Now."

Alec exhales, feels the shudder of his breath, wonders if Magnus can hear it. He leans in close to his phone, keeps his voice as low as he can. "Third one."

There's another pause, and then Magnus whispers back. "Done."

Alec doesn't try to swallow the heat in his throat, lets it fill his voice. "Again."

Magnus' voice is unsteady now. "Done."

Alec's body curves above his phone, his fingers gripping the sheet so tightly his knuckles are starting to ache. "I want you too much to be patient now. I'd undo the rest of them with one hard yank, and I'd put my mouth on your stomach, slide up the middle of your chest with my tongue."

Magnus groans, and the sound goes right to Alec's cock. "Grab your hair for me, and give it a good yank."

Alec does, remembering Magnus' fingers curled through his hair, and he hears his own high-pitched gasp echoing the sweet-sharp instant of pain.

"Because after that I'd pull you up to my mouth to kiss you, to fuck that pretty mouth of yours with my tongue."

Alec licks his lips and thinks about Magnus' _mouth,_ and the things he can do with his tongue, and his next breath turns into a groan.

"Next I'd grab your ass and pull us together, so you could feel how hard I am for you." Magnus' voice rubs against Alec's skin like velvet. "Are you hard for me?"

 _Fuck._ Alec tries, but he's caught in the sound of Magnus' voice, thoughts of his hands and his cock and the way he moves his hips when they're pressed together, and any possibility of a coherent word is gone. He whines a noise that is hopefully affirmative.

" _Alexander_." Magnus' voice breaks, and there's nothing left of Alec but the heat beneath his skin and the desperate scrape of his nails against his sheet as his hands claw for some sort of balance.

"Take off your pants." This time Magnus' voice is firm, steady, and Alec is pulling on his belt before he realizes his hands have moved. He grunts as it tightens before he can undo the buckle, and sighs as the pressure eases. He pushes everything down as quickly as he can, until the tangle of jeans and underwear and belt fall to the floor with an uneven slithering thud.

"Lie down." Alec's body is reacting to Magnus' orders without any input from the rest of him. Which is good, as his brain is long gone and he can't manage one entire thought much less tell himself how to move. "Now, you're not allowed to touch yourself until I say so. Do you understand?"

Alec nods, which doesn't help at all because Magnus can't see him, but he can't _stop,_ not even as he's swallowing to try and get his throat to work again.

"Alexander?"

"Yes." Alec manages at last. His voice sounds as rough as he feels, and he can hear Magnus swallow a sharp gasp, which makes Alec's hips try and buck up in reaction. "Yes."

"If I could, I would just admire you for awhile. I do so enjoy the way you sprawl across a bed; positively delectable." Alec's feet shift, trying to brace, his fingers curling as he keeps his hands down. He's breathing too fast, sharp-edged and needy, assuredly loud enough that Magnus can hear him. "Especially when you blush. Are you blushing for me right now?"

"I can't see my own face." Alec's voice is thin and trembling, his whole body feels stretched, too tender to last much longer. He's a bit surprised he managed to answer.

"The things you do to me." Magnus makes that half-groan, half-laugh again, though it's deeper now, even more ragged. There's a pause, just long enough for a slow steadying breath, though Alec can't hear one. "Is your skin too hot to bear?"

"Always, if you're looking."

The sound is more groan this time, a bare tremble of laughter beneath it. "Here I was trying to make _you_ blush, and you turn it back on me so neatly. Naturally gifted, aren't you?"

Alec manages to hold his breath steadier this time, keep his voice on a more even pitch. "I just like thinking about you."

"Well, think about me with my mouth on you."

Alec makes a noise that's well past a groan, pulled from deep in his chest as his head thumps back against the mattress, and his hand slaps against the wall in a desperate attempt to find something to grip besides his cock.

Magnus laughs, but there's a hitch in his breath that Alec recognizes, and he knows Magnus is almost as close to breaking as he is.

"You can touch yourself, but only where my mouth would go, if I was there." Magnus is barely louder than a whisper, and it takes Alec a second to focus on actual _words_. "I'd start at the top. A kiss on your lips."

Alec hums his agreement against his fingers, already resting gently against his mouth. The brush of skin against his lips is somehow both soothing and aggravating at the same time.

"I'd trace the lines of your deflection rune with my tongue." Alec's fingertips on his rune are closer to torture, warm and teasing but nothing like Magnus, nothing like the way Magnus' magic sparks against the power waiting under Alec's skin. Alec pushes harder, until his finger drags and his nail almost scratches. It's still not enough, and when he exhales he can hear himself whine.

"You have lovely shoulders, and they always tense and ease nicely under my lips." Alec manages a steadier breath again as his fingers relax, drift softly across his shoulder. "I'd kiss them, and then work my way back down your collarbone, one long slow lick."

Alec shudders as his hand moves down his collarbone, waits as it hovers over his breastbone.

"A quick flick of the tongue against your nipples, just to tease."

Alec's chest jerks up against his fingers; he cheats a little, pushing and circling hard around both nipples at once. The noise that escapes his throat is ragged and guttural, too rough to even be a moan.

"Fuck." Magnus' voice is tight now. "Next time I talk you through like this I need to see you."

"Please," Alec manages, his whole body twisting and burning, so close it's almost agony.

"I want your cock in my mouth, hot and heavy, I want to swallow you down."

Alec's whole body tries to lift off the bed as he finally grabs his cock, and the noise he makes is loud and desperate. He palms the tip, gets his hand just barely wet enough to stroke, hard, up and down with an almost brutal twist of his wrist. He can hear Magnus' breathing, ragged and sharp-edged, and then he's saying his name, a rough low _Alexander_ through the speaker, and Alec's back curves and he comes so hard his room turns white, then black behind his eyes, and all he can do for at least a minute, _an eternity,_ is lie there.

Eventually his brain comes back into his body. And he's a _mess._

Alec looks down at himself, then thumps his head back against his pillow. "Ugh."

"What's wrong?" Magnus' voice lifts, a hint of concern, as if he's worried he went too far.

"I have to find _towels,_ Magnus." Alec makes himself sound as petulant as possible, pleased at the way Magnus' breath stutters with amusement. "I have to _stand up,_ and I'm going to drip on the floor, and I'll have to wipe that up too, and I bet you're curled up nice and warm in _bed._ "

Alec grins as he hears Magnus laughing from his side of the phone. It's such a good laugh, warm and heavy and pleased. Alec's only ever heard it after sex, which makes it sort of _his_ laugh, just for him, just for them when they're together.

When he's done cleaning, after he finally manages to say goodnight and turn the phone off, he curls back up in bed, and it's easy to sleep, because now the room has enough of Magnus in it to remind him he's not really alone.


	5. touching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pleasant surprises (aka Lightwoods give the best hugs) [[tumblr](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/180413495433)]

Alec was a constant surprise. 

For some reason, one of the first surprises was how tactile he was with the slightest excuse. Morning kisses, good-bye kisses, a smile every time he met Magnus’ eyes, warm enough it felt like a touch. The brush of an arm when they were walking, the almost constant trail of fingertips when he passed, the fact that, as soon as they had even a hint of privacy he was entirely incapable of even the smallest kiss without holding on to Magnus somewhere, a tug on his shirt, a hand on the back of his neck, fingers curling around the edges of Magnus' hips, palms warm against Magnus’ jaw.

Alec Lightwood liked to _hug_ people. It was almost tragic how seldom he let himself do so. He was very good at it.

He touched his _parabatai_ almost every time they passed each other, a clap on the shoulder or a bump of an elbow. Draped an arm over his sister’s shoulders, kissed her on the forehead. His hand was at the small of his mother's back when they walked down a hallway. Even Clary got the occasional tap against an arm. Half the time Alec was trying to adjust her stance; half the time he wasn’t, not really.

He knelt down next to any child remotely in his vicinity, close enough for them to reach, but always waiting for them to do so first. If they did he’d _smile,_ bright and open and delighted. Magnus was entirely unsurprised that, even under Valentine's influence, Madzie had felt such a desperate need to protect Alec after seeing that smile.

If you weren’t family he wouldn’t intrude, but he frequently stood near enough to _be_ touched, leaning against the same wall close enough that someone would be able to feel the heat of his shoulder. If they leaned over to bump their shoulder against his he’d lean back, just a little, and keep them there. He was always so physically _present,_ his emotions elegantly and eloquently expressed with something as simple as the line of his shoulders or the tension in his knuckles.

Whenever Alec didn’t know what to say he’d offer a hand instead. 

He held Magnus’ hand whenever he could, as if there was so much to say that words would never work at all. Which was a stunning idea, considering the things Alec said all the time, so easily, so simply. 

Magnus wasn't at all sure his responses ever captured at all the same depth of sentiment that Alec expressed over and over again, but every time he tried: a curl of his fingers or a smile, a hug or a lingering kiss against Alec's cheek, Alec's eyes brightened and the tension in his spine eased, so Magnus hoped.

Alec made him hope about a lot of things. That they were learning each other in every way, how to speak without talking, how to take care in the little things, day after day. How to build a foundation sturdy enough for anything, everything else.

How to fall in love without fear, without doubt.

How to fall in love so it would last.


	6. working

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of my favorite tumblr prompt memes is basically _weird words_ in case you're wondering where this came from ;)
> 
>  **Gymnophoria -** The sensation that someone is mentally undressing you. 
> 
> I kind of went sideways for this one? Alec is using to denying all but (one) feeling at a time and that was usually annoyance. He’s not sure what to do now that he has ALL the feelings at once. Izzy helps. [[tumblr](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/180639591803)]

The first time Magnus is at the Institute for _official business_ after Alec has told him he loves him, Alec keeps getting… side-tracked. He mostly manages to hide it, he thinks. Or else he manages to glare enough when he _is_ paying attention that the rest of the Institute’s staff is smart enough to keep their mouths shut.

He’d thought Magnus was distracting the _first_  time he saw him. Alec hadn’t realized that could get _worse._  That he would see the seam of a jacket stretched down Magnus’ spine and watch the way the fabric pulled as he moved his arms and know how Magnus’ shoulders would shrug to make the jacket slide off, know the way the muscles moved when his shirt was gone, and find it completely impossible to think about anything besides the feel of Magnus’ skin beneath his fingers.

Magnus is wearing an especially nice jacket today, it tucks in snug against his waist and then flares out over his hips and Alec has no idea how he’s not supposed to stare. He tries, mostly unsuccessfully, and Magnus kindly refrains from laughing at him, though Alec catches a suspicious twitch of his lips a time or two.

He finally finishes his usual rounds across the Institute and escapes to his room, shutting the door behind him with a bit more emphasis than necessary. He leans back too quickly and his head hits the wood with a _thump_  he can feel all the way down his neck. Alec closes his eyes and tries to remember how to think. 

On the one hand, being distracted by Magnus is a lovely feeling. 

(Thinking about his hands is not helping right now. _Magnus’ hands are…_ Alec shakes his head at himself.) 

But on the other hand, he’s not used to feeling half-incompetent, and the last time he spent the day this wrong-footed it was before his “wedding” when his family was falling apart and everything he did backfired _dramatically_  and he is really not appreciating the reminder.

Magnus deserves better than to have these two feelings so close together in Alec’s head.

Alec quite possibly deserves better than those two feelings so close together in his head, but that’s a more difficult concept to accept.

There’s a quick tap on the door that he can sort of feel against his back as much as hear, and Alec straightens up and steps further into the room. “Come on in, Izzy.”

Izzy grins at him as she slips inside, though she’s kind enough to make sure the door’s latched before she leans close enough to nudge him with her elbow. “Having trouble concentrating?”

Alec doesn’t _whine,_  but he can hear the edge to his sigh, and he is, for possibly the first time in his life, too embarrassed to roll his eyes. “That obvious?”

Izzy tilts her head, as if that wasn’t the response she’d been expecting. “No, actually, I doubt anyone besides Jace or I would be able to tell.”

“And Magnus.”

Izzy’s grin comes back, possibly even wider than before. “He’s not doing any better than you are. When you left to talk to IT, Clary tried to ask him a question about the wards, and he didn’t even realize she was talking until after you’d turned the corner.”

Alec feels himself smile back, and his heart-beat does an odd awkward stutter in his chest, and his face feels hot and he collapses onto the edge of his bed with a grunt. “I am such a mess.”

“I think it’s cute.” Izzy perches on the arm of the chair, and kicks her foot out until the point on her shoe bumps against his shin. “You’re allowed to be happy.”

“Sure.” Izzy rolls her eyes at him, but he ignores her and keeps going. “I don’t like not being able to do things properly.”

“Pretty sure being distracted by your super-hot boyfriend _is_  proper in this case.”

Alec manages to huff out something that’s almost a laugh. It takes more effort than he’d like to admit not to reach for a pillow and hug it to his chest, if only to give his hands something to do, but talking about Magnus is usually the right idea.

“He’s just. His _shoulders_ , Izzy.”  Alec lets himself groan and fall back across his bed, lets himself relax a little as she laughs. He stares up at his ceiling. “I’ve never seen you be distracted by having to work with someone you’re sleeping with.”

“It’s not the sex that’s distracting you.”

Alec snorts. “What happened to super-hot?”

“Not _just_ the sex.” She pokes him harder with her shoe this time. “I’ve slept with people and had to look them in the eye the next day and pretend I don’t know what they look like naked, but I’ve never had someone who meant to me what Magnus means to you.”

Alec closes his eyes, and swallows the heat that always builds in his chest when he thinks about a future with Magnus, when he tries not to worry about the odds he’s going to fuck this up at some point and have to face a future without him. “I love him so much.”

Izzy makes a small soft sound he can’t quite interpret, and he pushes himself up on his elbows to look at her. 

Her eyes are wide, and her smile’s gone but her face looks soft. She blinks when he looks at her, and then she’s flinging herself forward and wrapping her arms around him even as she smacks against his chest.

He makes a truly undignified squawk of surprise as he falls flat on the bed again.

“I’m happy for you,” she whispers. “That’s much more important than remembering which report you haven’t filed yet.”

Alec hugs her back, feels the tension between his bones finally ease. “It is, isn’t it?”


End file.
